Last Fall I was going through a particularly challenging time in my life and was feeling overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of chaotic situations I was trying to juggle. I was going through a divorce, had just sold my house, and had recently reached empty-nester status after I moved my youngest daughter into her college dorm just weeks before. I was living out of boxes, renting a temporary home, and was waiting on the closing of my new house.
Inside my head I was running around like crazy trying to pick up the pieces of my broken life. I was exhausted, and I was hurting deeply. I felt raw on the inside and extremely crispy around the edges trying to manage my then-present state of chaos.
I like stability. I don’t consider myself a control freak, but I admit I like to be in control over my environment and my life. I like for my life-pieces to be in order, and my first reaction historically has always been that when shit hits the fan, I jump into overdrive and work like a banshee to get that shit under control.
On one particularly sunny day, I was sitting outside thinking about raking up the leaves that were covering the back yard. It truly was a beautiful day; the sky was clear, the air was deliciously crisp (sweater-weather, as I like to call it), and the leaves were bright and colorful. It was a bit windy however, as the wind was picking up fallen leaves and spinning them in the air like miniature cyclones.
I thought about how difficult it would be to try to rake the leaves while the wind was swirling them about. Not only would I look like a total idiot running around trying to catch the leaves, but the effort of trying to control the impact of the wind against what I was trying to achieve would be futile.
I suddenly realized that life is the same way.
Sometimes parts of our life start spinning out of control. Other people can create unwanted chaos in our lives. Unplanned situations and events can occur that have a negative impact on us or temporarily throw us off-course.
Our first reaction when chaos occurs is generally to try to control what is happening. We run around like crazy trying to catch the leaves in mid-air to sort them into manageable piles. We try to influence, defend, blame, coerce, negotiate…you name it. We end up exhausted, off-balance, and raw, with that not-so-nice feeling of carrying a rock of anxiety in the middle of our very core.
The truth is there are some situations that are simply beyond our control.
What I have learned, however, is that we can control our reactions and how we choose to navigate through the challenges. Once things settle down around us, only then can we gather the scattered leaves, put them into nice little piles, assess the damage, decide on any action necessary on our part, and move forward.
It’s not easy to sit back and wait things out when our mind is screaming at us to take control. It takes a conscious effort to hold ourselves back from diving headfirst into the arena. We kid ourselves into thinking we have ultimate power over anything and everything external that dares to lay even a finger on our personal universe. I’m sure you’ve heard the old saying, “Sometimes the best action is no action”. I believe this, as I know from personal experience how well-meaning efforts on my part to control an adverse situation oftentimes made the situation worse.
It’s perfectly okay to not always take immediate action in non-life threatening situations. It’s not our job to fix everything and everyone around us. We can be still for a minute. Breathe. Watch how things develop. See where the leaves land.
Then, when the wind stops blowing, start raking.
Bold Soul Life 